How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
