i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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