My underwear smells like fireworks.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
