fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize