He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
