my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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