Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
