i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
