we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
