I need to stop coming to work sober
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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