she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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