i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Pants are for mortals
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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