That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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