Need sex. Gaining weight.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
