My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
