I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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