Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
