Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
