We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
