it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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