Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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