We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
40s are totally the cure
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
