I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
