I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
