i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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