I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
