I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
