I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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