Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
