if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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