you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She's the barista slut.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
