you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize