Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
