I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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