I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
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