I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
