Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
