I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
