life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
i need some magic done to my vagina
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
