I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
