found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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