So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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