took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
