You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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