Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
