ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize