I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
