i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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