i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
