I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
