It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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