had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize