are you so shy because you have an std?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
