All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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