I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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