I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
