highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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