yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
