if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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