Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
