I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
