not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
