she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
