Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
