Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
