Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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