is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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