I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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