One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
We left an ass print on the piano.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
