i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
