Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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