I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
