We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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