fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
