I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
