i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
