Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
