would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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