Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
