What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
