i just wanna soil my oats bro
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
