I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Randomize
