also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize