I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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