I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
