Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
