So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Boobs speak an international language.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize