I think I died a long time ago.
Non-Jews are for practice
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
