I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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