i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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