It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
