Jerry, you need to find god
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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