I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
