You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
