Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize