I need to stop coming to work sober
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
