Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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