he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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