Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
